THE GOONIES
COLORADO'S ULTIMATE 80'S COVER BAND
Based in Boulder, CO, this 4-piece rock band will rip your shirts and bras off with their shredding guitar solos and unravel your sense of space and time. Founded in 1985, after escaping a kidnapping by a large sasquatch, the young rockstars decided to travel through time and come light up the 21st century. While you may wake up with crimped hair, a sore neck, and no recollection of the last 12 hours, The Goonies never... ever.... say Hangover.
The Band
Putting David Lee Roth to shame
She's coming for YOU
Axxxly
Ashley, is like a honey badger. Dangerous by day, but even more dangerous by night. This spastic cherry bomb is either robbing banks overseas or jumping her dirtbike over rows of flaming school busses. Once she bit the head off a rattlesnake to feed the starving band. Her vocal teachers include Buddhist monks and Axl Rose.
PatMan
Patman jumped into the Delorean in 1984, avoiding the kidnapping by the large Sasquatch and only recently reunited with his bandmates. The timing was uncanny as The Goonies' two guitar players had just been deemed debilitated via mysterious gardening accidents. At least, that's what we heard.. While he does lift metal for fun, he also has a mini but hefty weight set for his fingers. It's been said that his index finger would be considered a deadly weapon if used in an altercation. Made of steel and barbed wire, he is still a peaceful unicorn and a non-violent communicator.
Special K
Kenny Kidd (Special K) was grown in a meat lab. The scientists wanted to see what would happen when they combined the DNA codes from artists like Jimi Hendrix, Flea, James Jamerson and Bootsy Collins with the muscle tone of an ancient 4,000 pound Ox. Miraculously, Special K inhereted the best traits of this wild experiment. Like the Ox, when feeling threatened, you may see Special K swinging his head back and forth while staring at Patman. This also happens when he's feeling frisky so do not fear.
Joaquiiiiiiiiiiiiinn
When Joaquin was born, the doctors were convinced there might be a twin coming after him, but in fact what followed was a full set of infant sized drums. He lived his first few years not learning to walk or talk but mastering the drum solos by Keith Moon, Alex Van Halen and Steven Adler. He even ate with drumsticks, treating them like chopsticks. It's been said that if he doesn't drum for more than a 24 hour period, beats will start uncontrollably convulsing out of his body, so it's best he keep drumming.
Spontaneous
Combustion
Tragically, our first drummer Chris Oshman-ly spontaneously combusted during a drum solo. All that remained was the smell of burnt hair and wet fart.
About 10 years later, Air Rick and Naterator simultaneously had mysterious gardening accidents and lost the use of most of their fingers, except, of course, their middle fingers which they still use quite often.
